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§ September 9th, 2009 § Filed under Chapter 15: The Truth About Alcohol § No Comments


Whether half empty or half full, some truths are just harder to swallow.

Whether half empty or half full, some truths are just harder to swallow.

           The next day, Sunday, in the afternoon, I felt oddly compelled to lie down, which is not really like me. I rarely nap during the day. And there on the couch, I quickly fell into a light meditative state and found myself again with See Do.

            I asked about alcohol and why we can’t just control it.

           His answer was stunning. He said that we do control it. It is exactly what we want and it does to us exactly what we want. Generally, he said, we use it to punish and deaden ourselves.

           We use alcohol to help us resist our power, the truth, and our responsibility to ourselves. To resist and deny our responsibility to our mind and to our true potential.

           This is part of forgiving ourselves, as sometimes we have pain we want to feel, want to embrace. Sometimes we find pain, and its corollary, numbness, attractive. As payment for something we can’t forgive in ourselves.

           Sometimes we are frightened of our power, of the power of our mind, of the power and scope of our emotions, or of our very creativity, of our passions, and the responsibilities that come with them. And we find that the numbness, the plausible deniability, of alcohol’s effects is easier to accept. That it’s easier to put ourselves in a state of numbness that we can ride out for the evening.

           We control alcohol, and in fact, create the effects. It is our deepest wishes playing out in our world made whole.

           He went even further and said it is like self-mutilation of the mind. Or of the soul. And that it is like the angry child, who will destroy something dear to him to spite those around him, and himself. And the potential to escalate out of control comes along in similar fashion. The damage done can create the shame that can drive more damage.

            See Do sees it clearly. And I know I have much yet to learn.

            In the same session I also asked him about his past. And in the process learned again just how much I hadn’t learned. He said simply “I exist outside of Time.”

            Of course. I knew that. It felt like he was saying “Haven’t you been paying attention?” Given everything so far, he is right. It was sort of a dumb question.

            Time is an illusion. There is no Time. He has no past.

            — continued