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§ August 30th, 2009 § Filed under Chapter 10: Forgive Yourself Completely § Tagged , , § No Comments

Forgive yourself within. Only then can you be free.

Forgive yourself within. Only then can you be free.

            To look into yourself and see a being you most truly admire, you must be able to forgive yourself all past transgressions against your highest ideals.

            Some of us may carry these self-admonitions deeply, to the point of letting them take on a piece of our identity. To be in Love within, you must learn to forgive yourself within. You must learn to forgive yourself completely. This is the true starting point and ending point. As we experience Love, there can be no unforgiven crimes or misdemeanors. Everything must be available and openly forgiven within our selves in order to move forward. In order to move into Love.

            Doing this can take introspection and courage. Seeing and forgiving will bring a sense on freedom and release. Taking this power and applying it is the beginning of attainment. This is the power to act for your own better good. Once given to yourself, there is no one who can take it away from you, except yourself.

            Once again we are given to see, then do. To see everything within ourselves. To forgive that which we can not change and to see ourselves as worthy of our highest admiration, our highest sense of self-honor, an honest sense of self-Love.

            This is how we gain power over ourselves. A power we will use to move toward our brightest ideals.

            — continued



§ August 28th, 2009 § Filed under Chapter 09: Love: Our First Responsibility to Ourselves § Tagged , , , , § 1 Comment

Be the one who you can most truly admire and honor. And let it shine all around.

Be the one who you can most truly admire and honor. And let it shine all around.

            Shortly after entering into these dialogues with See Do, one evening I had a long phone conversation with a friend, L, who, at the time, lived in New York. The call centered around L’s recent decision to end a relationship she had been in. It had been on-again-off-again and now she decided to end it for good.

            In our talk, L got to wondering about Love, its meaning and purpose. She wondered how it was supposed to work, what good it was, and how unreliable it seemed.

            I was trying to help, but admitted not to have many answers, my own love life having lately been less than stellar.

            That night, a Saturday night, See Do let me in on the truth about Love. This session, I did not need to ask any questions. It was clear that See Do had been listening to our conversation and decided I needed this information.

            He explained, in true form to many of his answers, that Love is not at all the way we think it is. I say we, but the word “I” would probably be more appropriate.

            He explained that Love is not to be given out, like some special currency. Love is to be felt within, for ourselves, first. We must open ourselves to loving ourselves, just as we might currently think we are supposed to feel love for another. Or might want to feel love for another. This is our first responsibility to ourselves: to love ourselves and to be that person whom we can love so completely.

            We must see, that word again, ourselves as that being who we can most truly admire. And honor. And we can only be completely honest here, with ourselves, in our deepest evaluation. There are no denials, deceptions or tricks of light. This is the real deal, and there is only truth.

            Then we must act, to be that being we admire, honor, Love. We must act in every situation at the highest level to earn our own highest respect and admiration. This is our number one responsibility to our selves. This is very important. This is where Love takes its power.

            Doing this, feeling this, we move through the world in a halo of this feeling. It glows and shines out and others will feel it. We must continually attend to this and shine it out from inside ourselves. It must be a priority.

            When we can achieve this pure, open, true and valued sense of self, the world will react and move before our eyes. People will be open to you. You will invite honesty, trust, kindness, esteem. There is a feeling of breathing life, of being larger than your physical form. That is because it will be true. As you expand your Love within, it will expand without. It will expand out into the world and you will begin to break down dualities all around. You will see the oneness as though it were actually visible to you. You will feel the world as an extension of the good within you. Because it will be true.

            When two people feel the power of each others glow, and that their own sense of self is in fact enhanced in each other’s presence, they may be “in” Love. This enhanced sense of self, the growing radiance they feel from within; this is romantic Love. It is to be honored. But will only prevail to the extent that each party tends to their own inner Love, the true source of all Love.

            Tending to your self, and being able to feel a true and honest love within is not always as simple as it may seem in these simple words. And See Do went on to explain the heart of the matter.

            — continued



§ August 27th, 2009 § Filed under Chapter 08: The Simplest Instruction § Tagged , , , , § No Comments

The view from Mather Point, "at the edge where there is no I or not-I."

The view from Mather Point, "at the edge where there is no I or not-I."

            In one of our 4:00 a.m. sessions, See Do let me understand the significance of his name. The explanation was that it is the simplest instruction: to see, and then to act.

            By seeing, what is meant is to really see. To understand. To be able to see what is before you, clearly, without distorting layers of judgement or prejudice. And by in front of you, what is meant is more than what is positioned physically in front of you. It also means that which you can see that lies ahead. What you can see that is coming to you next.

            This seems so simple, but it is the greatest gift.

            In my home hangs a large photograph I took over fifteen years ago at the edge of Grand Canyon, at Mather Point. I have always loved this photo because of the unusual quality of light recorded that day and because it captures the scene from the immediate foreground just a few yards from my feet, down and then out into the canyon, out to the horizon, out to The Palisades of the Desert at the far east end of the canyon rim over seventeen miles away. Near the top of the frame is the top rim of the canyon, at what is eye level to where I was standing.

            The unusual quality of light comes from the fact the photo was snapped in winter, in February, as I recall. And the shadow areas in the scene have a light covering of snow. The sky was carrying a thin haze, allowing the sun to fill the scene with a slightly softened light, not the usual high-contrast cut of mid-day sun in the high desert. This softening has a subtle effect on the scale and distance of the view. It’s not postcard-like, but more painterly, with the pale yellow-ochres of the capstone layers of sandstone dominating the immediate scene, then russet red and rust across the local side canyon walls below Yucca Point, three miles distant, out to the blue and violet tinted stone monuments and crags at the horizon.

            The sunlit areas are bright, as the shot was taken in early afternoon, but the shadow areas are white, with their clean layer of snow. The effect is to enhance the dimensional relief, as the brain has to look into the scene and assimilate all its clues. The result is engaging, sculptural and captivating. I can look at it endlessly.

            The view is down an insignificant side canyon into a larger side canyon just east of Mather Point. Down below, framed by near vertical stone walls is a natural red stone obelisk rising near the far wall over three thousand feet below. Its blunt form rises over two hundred feet straight up.

            Throughout the scene are also scrub juniper and pine trees of various sizes adding green. And life.

 Below the photograph in the frame I have mounted a poem by Czeslaw Milosz titled THIS ONLY. It reads:

            A valley and above it forests in autumn colors  

            A voyager arrives, a map led him here.

            Or perhaps memory. Once, long ago, in the sun,

            When the first snow fell, riding this way

            He felt joy, strong, without reason,

            Joy of the eyes. Everything was the rhythm

            Of shifting trees, of a bird in flight,

            Of a train on the viaduct, a feast of motion.

            He returns years later, has no demands.

            He wants only one, most precious thing:

            To see, purely and simply, without name,

            Without expectations, fears or hopes,

            At the edge where there is no I or not-I.

            Since I had this framed and then hung it in my home, not six months before these events, I have almost thought of this photograph as my personal altar of sorts. I regularly read the poem and look into the photo. And I have been drawn to return to this spot. I have always felt there is something there for me to receive.

            I wanted to return to Arizona, Sedona, Grand Canyon and be the traveler in the poem. To stand at the edge and be able to see.

            In that July, a little more than a month before meeting See Do, I did return with my daughters. And was able to feel it. The “joy of the eyes.” It is a magical place for me.

            So to “see,” this “one, most precious thing” is a true gift. But it is what we must strive to achieve in ourselves all the time. It is the first instruction.

            The second instruction is “do,” as in act, based on what we see. We must see what is in front of us, and then act accordingly. We must take the action prescribed, in what we see, to help us get what it is that we want. We must own it.

            This is his name, See Do. And it truly is the simplest instruction. The best we can create of life unfolds from our ability to carry out these two seemingly simple acts.

            Now when I think of the name, I am reminded of what to do. To work to see clearly. And to act upon what I perceive.

            — continued



§ August 26th, 2009 § Filed under Chapter 07: The Trouble with Big Numbers § Tagged , , , § No Comments

Can you grasp living in a world of infinite events? Credit: NASA Goddard Flight Center Image

Can you grasp living in a world of infinite events? Credit: NASA Goddard Flight Center Image

            Earlier, before leaving the gym, I found that See Do had a bit more on his mind. For the rest of my cardio workout he talked openly and casually, and expressed some frustration with the limits of the human mind, particularly with large numbers. He said that most people can only really conceive of numbers up to about ten. And some of us, much less than that. After ten, we need to use crude abstractions or work with the abstract symbolism of mathematics. We work with and believe in these abstractions because they work unfailingly, but we are limited in being able to actually conceive of and think in real, large numbers.

            He explained how this makes it difficult for us to get a real and true understanding of how the world works. Every time we try to think in any complex way we are forced to simplify the concepts down to a smaller number of ideas. These simplified concepts can’t completely capture or convey what is really happening. And we run into problems when the concepts we’re trying to explain are things that keep moving and changing and can never adequately be contained in any single solid concept.

            He explained how we simplify vast things and think that this new, simplified abstraction is the thing we are observing. But that the complexity and the vast interactive and changing nature of the universe gets so often overlooked. All around us the world is continually changing faster than our abstractions can keep up. We seek the snapshot, the distillation, the formula, but the Universe is none of those things. And as a result we so often miss the point, stepping right by many great and available truths. We avoid the vast, seeking something tiny that our minds can digest. Ultimately, it is the human handicap.

            He explained how the Universe is vastly more complex than our minds can apparently handle. How in any second there are so many important things happening that we are content to ignore. We can be told by science that they are happening. And we can express awe that they are happening. But we can not quite grasp the impact of living as part of this world of infinite events.

            He said “If you can’t truly understand a number larger than ten, how will you understand infinity?”

            We know that in a fraction of a second the DNA inside our cells can be unzipped by an RNA molecule. The billions of molecules that make up our genetic code are cut in half and the other half is replicated with near perfect accuracy from the molecular soup inside the cell.

            This all happens in a heartbeat. Literally. And constantly.

            And it happens in billions of cells inside our bodies. How can we actually conceive of this? In particular, how can we conceive of this in a world where everything is connected to everything else. And where the notion that there is any gap at all, either of time or of space, is a complete illusion?

            Our minds can’t begin to keep up.

            And this is just the beginning. Inside every atom are countless wheels within wheels. Our science has only scratched the surface. It is a long way down. An infinitely long way.

            And it is an infinitely long way up. We stand and look out into the night. And see what? Or rather what can we comprehend of what we see?

            But it’s all there. Important, critical events are happening right this moment, at every scale. And we hang between these infinities, barely aware.

            And keep in mind that much, much, is in fact invisible to us. Radio, air, heat, for starters. Our human senses are crude, blunt instruments. Consider that passing light is completely undetectable by you, yet you swim in an infinite criss-cross sea of this energy. The amount of raw, moving energy that is between your eyes and these words would be dazzling if you could understand it. Science sees some of it, catalogs it, but doesn’t come near any unified understanding.

            He then explained that “Often, faith is man’s way of dealing with truly large numbers.” When our capacity to comprehend is overwhelmed, we see these big “random” events as “acts of God.”

            This is a difficult statement. And somehow I understood when he said it that he meant it as no global criticism of man’s need to have faith in a higher power, but rather that he was referring to aspects of a our understanding of certain events, particularly events that are outside the average person’s scope of knowledge or conception.

            I struggled with this.

            He went on to explain that if we could conceive of everything connected, instantly and purely, without any simplifications or abstractions, we would see how the world moves.

            Sometimes he says things that I don’t understand. I try, but I can’t yet get everything. He says he will be patient and that I don’t need to worry. More will come.

            — continued



§ August 25th, 2009 § Filed under Chapter 06: Two Earthquakes at Tejon Pass § Tagged , , , § No Comments

A fairly typical USGS earthquake map of California-Nevada

A fairly typical USGS earthquake map of California-Nevada

           After a short time, I came to see another way that I could communicate with See Do. This was when I was doing my cardio exercise at the gym. Apparently, when I was fully engaged in the exercise on the orbital cardio machine I was reaching a semi-meditative state, and from this state I found that I could contact him. It was in one of these sessions that See Do made an unusual effort to explain the dimensions of his, or our, power.

            These sessions were much more casual, and our discourse was more conversational than anything like formal teaching. He was explaining that I could do anything, or make anything I want happen. I expressed some skepticism and he offered a demonstration.

            As background I need to explain that at this time I was interested in the science of geology and earthquakes. So over a couple of weeks I had been keeping tabs on an online earthquake map of California. As part of my usual morning online news and email ritual I’d click a button on a news site that showed a map of recent California-Nevada earthquakes. Out of habit, I was checking the map daily. The map shows quakes that have happened over the last week, the last day, and the last hour. And that morning, I had checked the map just minutes before going down to the gym.

            See Do knew this obviously, and calmly asked if I wanted to make an earthquake happen. He was in an oddly light, if not quite flip, tone. I was surprised and initially said with a chuckle “No, I don’t think so,” as this seemed just a little extreme. Then I reconsidered and thought, “Wait, okay, how about this, how about a small earthquake, maybe a two magnitude or even less.” That meant it would be enough to show up on the map but to do no damage. “And I’ll tell you where.” I remembered specifically that when I checked the map that morning there had been no recent quakes at the junction of the San Andreas and the Garlock faults near a place known as Tejon Pass at the southern end of the San Jacquin Valley.

            If you look at a fault map of California, this junction of faults stands out as unusual. Most of the fault lines snake along running roughly parallel to each other. Sometimes they cross or split, but even a casual observer will notice that the intersection at Tejon Pass is unusual. Here the faults cross at nearly 60 degrees. And I knew there hadn’t been any activity at all around there in at least a week.

            I said “Okay, let’s make a small earthquake right there.”

            And See Do simply said “Okay.”

            After a bit more conversation, which I’ll cover later, I ended my cardio session and went back up the elevator to my apartment on the forty-fifth floor. It had been an hour since I was there and I went right to the computer and pulled up the most recent USGS California earthquake map.

            There, at Tejon Pass, at the junction of the San Andreas and Garlock faults were indicated two small magnitude-one quakes. They were each marked by a small red square. The red meaning that they had occurred within the last hour. Each being one-magnitude, if you were there that morning, in those foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains, you very well might not have even noticed them.

            Had we, I, he, done this? I can’t dare to answer that for you. To say that what I was looking at gave me chills is an understatement. What are the odds? That over the course of maybe a week that within a random hour one might pick right? I found it pretty remarkable.

            — continued



§ August 24th, 2009 § Filed under Chapter 05: Know What You Want § Tagged , , , § No Comments

Waking each day to an auspicious number

Waking each day to an auspicious number

           In my first pre-dawn sessions with See Do, he told me that he had been nearby my entire life and had been trying to contact me. And I acknowledged that at various points throughout my life I was aware that the Universe was somehow trying to commune with me.

           From the time I was about nine years old I felt aware that for some reason the number nineteen carried significance for me. It would appear in front of me on a sign, chalked on pavement, anywhere, almost like it was trying to be noticed. Only much later, in my twenties, after studying some spirituality, did I decide to interpret the appearance of this number as a subtle and personal communication of the Universe, or of the Tao. And I began to take it as a sign that everything was okay; that when it showed up it was a message that I was “moving with the Tao.”

            Many spiritual traditions, from primitive to New Age, find solace in various signs and omens in the world. Much Native American tradition uses animal signs as messengers. Mine is a number.

            With See Do, after our early sessions, I would wake up, day after day, at 6:19 exactly. I would spontaneously open my eyes, turn to the clock by my bed, and it would be 6:19. This happened maybe five days out our first seven sessions.

            And as I moved further into See Do’s teachings, I found myself seeing so many nineteens around me that I could only smile as they showed up. Even my friend Susan noticed them when she was around me. It became a bit remarkable. And much too much for mere chance.

            His memory is also useful. Early on, I had fun testing him. One night, I asked about a director I had been trying to remember the name of for weeks. It went like this: “What was the name of that director I worked with in London Patricia Murphy.” Just like that; the long lost answer came immediately and without effort.

            Once walking down Michigan Avenue, I squeezed my hand closed and said to myself  “Okay, what’s the title of that advertising book I can’t remember Creative Leaps”. I went straight to the book store and bought it. This was after lending out my first copy, and being unable to retrieve either the book or the title for over a year.

            But besides his trying to get me to understand Time, the most important early message was that I need to know what it is that I want.

            He explained that the Universe can only present itself without obstacles if we know exactly what it is that we want. Otherwise there is no way it can answer and unfold for us. Without knowing what it is we want, we will move through a random world. And we should not be surprised to find random obstacles. But when we know what it is we really want, the Universe can move with us and help make it happen.

            And he explained that it is what we really and truly want, deep inside. And not some passing desire or wish. “I want to win the lottery,” for example, is not what you really want. You’ll need to look inside yourself a little more deeply to understand what it is that lies behind that expressed desire for instant and effortless wealth. And be careful, because if in fact you want that, and can hold that thought, you may get it.

            He explained that even this understanding is a bit of a hedge, a fairly crude simplification, and that the way it really works and the power we really have will become more clear as my understanding grows.

            — continued



§ August 23rd, 2009 § Filed under Chapter 04: Lunch with Susan and See Do § Tagged , , , § No Comments

A simple salad becomes waves of intensity

A simple lunch becomes a new sensory experience

           Back on that very first day, after the session with S when I met See Do, I had an unusual experience in dealing with this new presence in my life. As had become my usual Saturday routine, after I got home, I took a late lunch about a block away from my downtown Chicago apartment. At a favorite corner restaurant, I would sit at the nearly empty bar and have my “usual,” a salad and cheeseburger with a glass of house red.

           But from the moment I left the session, it was clear that things were now different. It was as though my perceptions of things were now heightened. The world seemed more full of color and sound. The streets of the city were so alive and sparkling with energy. The sunlight seemed almost like a special effect, a warm glowing blanket of flowing energy.

           When the salad came, I took the first bite without thinking and was surprised by the intensity of flavor. Every taste dimension was exaggerated. I took my second bite a bit ravenously and must have made a face, because Susan, the bartender, asked with some concern, “Is everything okay?”

           I said “Yeah, it’s good, really good.” Inside I was reeling. This was the best tasting salad I’d ever had. I could clearly distinguish each ingredient as well as enjoy the gestalt of the mingled flavors as I chewed. There was the bitter sweetness of the arugala; the soft, buttery, sweet smoke of the candied almonds; the milky tang and shadowy challenge of the gorgonzola; the snap and simple nuttiness of the pine nuts; the sharp, tart, woodsy, vaporous attack of the balsamic vinaigrette. Every piece of peppercorn shrapnel added its own bright, pungent spark, pop or hiss, depending on its size.

            Everything was so good. And I felt that See Do was enjoying every bite. The dripping medium-rare burger with blue cheese was beyond description. The salty, peppery fries were a delight, each and every one. The wine was a new experience, because now I could taste the alcohol as a clearly independent taste. There were the smoky, musty, dank flavors of the aged and fermented grape stuff, but there was this other world of the sterile, almost medicinal ethyl alcohol.

           Susan came over and said, “Boy, you’re really enjoying that burger.” And I said out of my half-stuffed face, “Yeah, It’s great.”

            Inside, I felt like I was somewhere between regular old me and the new reality and presence of See Do. I was apparently a portal for him to see and experience our reality through my senses. And in the process, some of his new experience was coming back into my conscious awareness. It was very interesting and certainly stimulating to experience the familiar world as though for the very first time. With the numbing overlay of familiarity stripped away, everything was taken full-on at face value.

           It was a lot to take in. It’s clear why our minds have the filter of the familiar. We can excuse the repeated to focus on the unusual or novel. But it does expose the narrow bandwidth we have for processing stimulus. See Do clearly wanted it all. We’d have to work something out. And as my lunch wound down, I began feeling See Do slipping more into the background.

            Susan asked, “So, what’s new with you?” And I just matter-of-factly stated “I had a reflexology session today, and I meet my spirit guide.”

           There aren’t many people in the world who you can say something like that to a get a positive response. But Susan just stopped what she was doing, leaned toward me and said with some excitement “Really? You met your spirit guide?” I just said “Yeah, his name is See Do.” She said “I’ve got to hear about this! Can you come back? You’ve got to come back later and tell me about it. Okay?” 

            I just said “Sure, I’ll come back when you’re done, how’s that?” And so began my friendship with Susan, who would listen to it all; be my sounding board; become sort of a See Do disciple, if I may use the word; and help me maintain my sanity over the next few months as I delved deeper into the new truths that See Do would bring to me.

            I had no idea what I was about to experience. But I did know this: I had to write it down.

            — continued



§ August 22nd, 2009 § Filed under Chapter 03: The First Lessons § Tagged , , , , § No Comments

Somewhere along Oak Creek near Sedona, AZ

Somewhere along Oak Creek near Sedona, AZ

           Over the coming days, and nights, I came to see how See Do and I would begin to communicate.

            The first thing that began to happen was I would wake up about 4:30 or 5:00 in the morning, and in this half awake state See Do was available to me. In these sessions I began to ask questions. Questions about life, how the Universe works, how reality works, things like that.

            It was remarkable how these dialogs went. I didn’t speak out loud, but would think the question, and the answer would come immediately, with not a second’s delay. It came as an extension of the last word of the question. The response was always clear and even. And he told me I could ask him anything.

            It soon became clear that he had a sense of humor, a remarkable memory, and a dislike for alcohol.

            I had a feeling that with my being able to contact him, he was now more able to see our human reality the way we see it. Our world often amused and entertained him. And some things he found frustrating.

          The first lessons were largely about the nature of reality. He took me along quickly, trying to use language that was very simple. He told me that “Time does not exist. But Time is all there is.” An apparent contradiction that he would walk me through. I’ll try and explain.

            It’s important to understand that the reality we perceive is not actually there. It is, as the great masters have long said, an illusion. See Do explained to me how this works.

            He explained that we must remember first of all that there is complete unity in the Universe. There is only one “thing”. Everything is one. All connected, even though to use the word “connected” can be a confusion in itself. Everything is one. We must start there and always come back to that.

            All we perceive, as human beings, is Time. Nothing else. Every interaction of matter, every interaction between every particle that we perceive is just the Time interaction between two states of the same unified “thing”. There is no space, no separation; there are no different things. There is only this Time separation between states of reality. This Time mediation is the full extent of what we perceive as reality.

            Our senses sense the contrast between things. These contrasting states create what we perceive as time and space as they change or as our point of perception moves in relation to them. Our minds work to take the input from our senses and construct what we think of as reality.

            In our early sessions, See Do seemed a bit obsessed with Time. With my trying to understand Time. He told me he has power over the passage of Time and that I could have that power as well.

            He let me know that he had hastened the day of our meeting in the session with S. And I can vouch that the week leading up to the Saturday session went faster than any week I could remember. And that during the week I was feeling like Time was off kilter. I remember telling a friend how the previous week seemed to have gone by in twenty-four hours, but that something I had done the day before seemed like it happened a week ago.

            See Do said he had been speeding me to our meeting. And that he is moving Time now to my future. That I need to relax and move to the future I want.

           — continued



§ August 17th, 2009 § Filed under Chapter 02: An Overwhelming Sense of Truth § Tagged , , , , , , § No Comments

Oak Creek at Indian Gardens, near Sedona, AZ

Oak Creek at Indian Gardens, near Sedona, AZ

           In the guided visualization session with S, as See Do began to communicate with me, I became overwhelmed by some emotional power now moving through me. And I began to cry. I continued to sob lightly through the rest of the session. The feeling of release seemed most powerful when I would attempt to describe out loud what I was seeing. The reality of what was opening to me would hit me and I sobbed, sometimes unable to complete a sentence.

          S continued to guide and help me, as I was turning to putty See Do, before this power. She asked me to ask him “What does he want?” And I said “He wants to help me.”

          Through a series of guided and spontaneous questions See Do told me that I need to write. And that the way to write is to flow. To let it flow.

          He said that he could control time and that I was heading somewhere, somewhere new, and that I need to let this new thing come. He reassured me that everything is going to be okay. All I need to do is to know what I want. I need to know what I want and it can happen. It will come to me.

          See Do let me know that he will be there and that I can contact him. He let me know that when I squeezed my hand closed it would be like I was squeezing his hand. He would be there. And that I have nothing to fear.

          He went on to tell me that I need to eliminate the distractions around me. That I spend too much time with things that are distracting me from the things I need to be doing. He seemed to indicate that what I need to be doing is writing. Just writing. And writing anything. That there was something in the writing that I would discover.

          One of the distractions he expressed disdain for was alcohol, telling me that it numbed the mind and that I should avoid it. He said I need my mind to be open and receptive and functioning at its highest level now.

          As he stood before me, he was as real as anything I’ve ever encountered, but he appeared to the eye as a shadowed, blurred form. He was human, tall and thin. And it seemed he was wearing a robe or hooded cloak, by the simple profile he cut. His head seemed slightly large, probably due to the hood, but I could not make out a face. He seemed more of a shadow. Real but not real. There but not there.

          I tried to gain some comfort in his presence. And I tried to control the tears. It felt like my whole body was trembling or shuddering deep inside. As he spoke there was a spontaneous and overwhelming sense of truth to his words. From the first instant, there was no question in me about him or the truth of his statements. They came into my consciousness, not as words from another, but as deep truths from within my own spirit. There was no judgment to be made. They were simply true. I knew it was true that he had been trying to reach me. And I knew it was true he had found me. I knew I was heading for something. And I knew he would help me.

          S gently ended the session, bringing me back into her office and back to the reality of the day.

          She gave me an herbal tonic to help me with any sense of trauma. And expressed concern and sensitivity for the apparent magnitude of what I had just experienced. As I got up and prepared to leave I felt a strange sense of having See Do exist in the here and now as some part of me. It was like he was inside me here in the world. He was right there, just below the surface of my consciousness. It was a somewhat unsettling feeling.

          She talked to me about his instructions about my writing and that words can have power. How sometimes people can access the power that words can have. And how those people need to write.

          As I paid for the session, I heard myself say out loud and calmly “Money is not at all what we think it is.” But as I said it, I felt like it was not me talking but See Do. And I told S “I didn’t just say that. That was him. Wow. This is strange.”

          She walked me to the door, telling me to take it easy and that if I feel I need some grounding to just stand with both feet on the ground or grass, in contact with the planet, and to let the Earth’s energy come through me and ground me. I said “I hope he knows how to drive a stick.” And we laughed.

          She gave me a hug and I left.

          The rest of the day I felt a new energy moving through me. I’m not sure how much of it was the effects of the reflexology therapy, but I was also aware of a new presence. I was very aware that I now had contact with a realm of wisdom and peace that I had not had before. That a new world was open to me. And that I had to continue the dialog.

          — continued



§ August 16th, 2009 § Filed under Chapter 01: I Am Compelled To Write § Tagged , , , , , , § 1 Comment

At the mouth of the East Fork of Oak Creek, near Sedona, AZ

At the mouth of the East Fork of Oak Creek, near Sedona, AZ

           I have started a spiritual journey and I feel the need to document it. To give its power over to the power of words.

          I have met what I’ll call my spirit guide and have had, and am having, a conversation. Some may feel more comfortable calling him an angel, a guardian angel, or my higher self. I’ll stick with spirit guide, as these are the words he chose when he introduced himself to me.

          The journey began during a session with my reflexologist and career coach, S. I had been getting some coaching from S for a couple of months and decided it was time to try reflexology. My hope was to use the massage therapy to gain some relief from stress. As the one hour session unfolded and relaxation gave over to an openness and sense of communion with the world around me like I have seldom experienced, a new door opened before me. And has yet to close.

          S is a gentle and comforting spirit herself, and in her hands I felt completely at ease. She guided me through the session explaining what she was doing and how the therapy might affect me. As she worked, she explained how it would help align my energies and that I could expect certain physical sensations or vibrations through my core. It all went as she said and I became very relaxed, though at the same time felt energized within.

          S suggested a guided visualization to help ground and center my being while she continued the massage. I said okay, settled further into the chair, and off we went.

          She started to say “I want you to see yourself in a beautiful place, a beautiful environment, maybe one of your favorite places, maybe outside in an open, peaceful, beautiful place…”

          As she began, I saw myself in a field near Sedona, Arizona, probably my favorite place on earth. I was near the mouth of the West Fork of Oak Creek Canyon, a place I have been drawn to many times. I was in a beautiful grassy field or meadow near the place where the West Fork joins Oak Creek. I have always found this spot to be somehow magical.

          About ten miles up Oak Creek, north of Sedona, the West Fork of Oak Creek comes out of a dramatic side canyon to join the main creek. At this point, both streams are small. Oak Creek, maybe thirty feet wide, weaves its way around scattered boulders. The West Fork is much smaller, a few yards wide in places and shallow enough to walk through easily. The main canyon there is about a thousand feet deep and less than a half mile across. The West Fork canyon is less than nine hundred feet across at the mouth. And it is still a thousand feet up to the top canyon rim.

          Though small, both streams have carved steep canyons through the red rock. The near vertical walls are topped by a lighter-colored limestone and Ponderosa pines, their towering windswept points skirted by the occasional eagle.

          In the valley is another world. Near the confluence of the two streams is a flat, grassy glade area. From within, you’d think you are in a pristine green forest zone. The trees are oak and ash and juniper shrub. There are thick tall grasses with gossamer tops waving shiny in the sun. In early summer there are wild irises three feet tall with blooms as big as your hand.

          I have a photo I took a few years before of a particular grassy glen, hanging in my home. This is where I went now.

          As I saw myself standing there in the glen, I was aware that there were others nearby. Off in the distance, maybe a hundred or so feet away were a few figures. And there was someone else, standing very near to me, just to my right. I had no clear sense of the physical form of this nearby presence, just the sense of another human form about my height not three feet away.

          S said “Maybe you’re in a clearing… and there is a stream nearby… You can hear the water in the stream…”

          But I was already seeing the things she described. I was hearing the stream before she mentioned it. And I was already moving in the direction of the sounds. I remember finding it amusing that her words weren’t guiding me on, but were describing things I was already seeing.

          She then said “Move toward the sound of the water.”

          And I was aware that the figure at my side was coming too.

          She moved us on to where I would find a stone bridge and she said there would be someone waiting on the other side. In her visualization, as I learned later, this person I would meet across the stream was to be me, ten years on. And I would be able to hear what I needed to know and do to achieve the person I want to be at that time.

          But as I crossed the bridge, I became aware that what was happening in my visualization was a departure from where S was leading it.

          Across the stream, the figure I met introduced himself as my spirit guide. He said he had been trying to reach me for sometime and that now we could meet.

          I spoke out loud and told S what I was experiencing. As she paused, breaking the smooth rhythm of her speech, I could detect some surprise. She asked me to ask him his name. He said what I thought sounded like ski-doo and I chuckled, saying “Ski-doo? What?” He corrected me and said it was See Do. And that he was my spirit guide and that he was here to help me.

          — continued